The Mindset of Manhood

I believe Crew and Theroux are a part of the same conversation, but in two different viewpoints. They are responding to the idea of what many men believe manhood and masculinity are and how these ideas have been portrayed in our society. Crew gives a more optimistic view on being a man over Theroux but still states what is wrong with the idea of masculinity. Crew explains his view that "everyone is necessary" and "men and women should be equal". His idea of "gender purposes" shows that men and women are both needed in our society. He supports feminism and is actively striving for equality for women. Men supporting gender equality can help influence other men to no longer feel superior to women. Theroux talks more about his disgust of what is expected of a young man in society's eyes and the hate he has for being a man. He perceives being told to "be a man" is being told to "be stupid, be unfeeling, obedient and soldierly, and stop thinking." These are things off of what many fathers tell their son when they are young and shaping their personalities. "Crying is for girls!" "Man up." Ideas that men do not have feelings leads to a build-up of emotions and often, violence. Both men agree that manliness implies superiority to women, children, and men who are not known as manly. Crew connects with Theroux when he talks about the mindset of manliness and how it encourages men to take advantage of many situations and people. Men with this mindset tend to think that they are in-charge and own lesser people/things because of their manliness which leads to rape and violence. Many men in the media often express this. They believe that because they are men in the spotlight they are superior to others. The main idea that both men are striving towards is that manliness is not what it should be. It should be about being a better man. As Crew explains it as "the fork in the road" for manhood. The choice of either having the basic, old-fashioned manliness or to see how it can be destructive to society and relationships.

Who Are We? MEN! What Do We Want? TO BE MANLY!

You could definitely say that Crews and Theroux are apart of the same conversation. Both men are discussing the issue that men are held to this stupid standard of “being a man”. Terry Crews is responding to the problem of men’s gender roles. Crews goes on about how men are constantly being held to this gender standard of “manliness” and “manhood”. Crews touches on how a lot of men think they are more valuable than women because that’s just the way society has been forever. Men have to be strong providers, manly, protective, and brave. Or so society is making us believe. These kinds of gender roles are what make women think we are inferior. Crews says that everyone is valuable in themselves; so the moment we all accept ourselves as valuable equals is the moment that gender roles won’t be such a dilemma.

Paul Theroux very negatively responds to men and how they are wrongly being taught how to grow up into manly men who drink beer, and watch football. Theroux also touches on how women are brought up in the same sense: Being told to ask “Do you like my dress?” and to be “ladylike”. Even today, in 2015, we are dealing with (not as intensely) the same gender roles we dealt with hundreds of years ago. Theroux say “I found it impossible to admit to myself that I wanted to be a writer. It was my guilty secret, because being a writer was incompatible with being a man”. Why do men have to feel like this? Why is this SO wrong? Because its been a standard for men to do “manly” jobs and hobbies. I think it’s about time gender roles don’t play such a dense part in society.

Masculinity

I think Theroux and Crews are very much apart of the same conversation. Both authors analyze what “masculinity” consists of. Crews explains himself in a strong yet gentle tone whereas Theroux writes in more of a disgusted tone. Regardless, they both seem to think very alike along the lines of the expectations men are “supposed” to demonstrate to be considered a man. Crews states, “when men are scared, they wont say it” and I think this statement is incredibly true. Men are often times taught by their father that they cannot show when they’re scared or weak because that would expose them. Men are raised thinking they are superior to women and I think that is primarily what leads to rape and abuse. Crews and Theroux are responding to the ways masculinity is wrongly projected and shown. Crews explains every man just wants intimacy and how sex is not intimacy. Theroux talks about how the President of the United States can be seen dressed like a cowboy on the weekends and he states, “it is both a measure of his insecurity and his willingness to please”. I think this ties right back into what Crews was saying. Whether it’s the President dressing like a cowboy or teenage boys trying to replace intimacy with sex, it goes to show how distorted the idea of masculinity is. Men shouldn’t have to be like this. As Crews talks about a couple of times, people need to focus on “gender purposes” rather than gender norms. His explanation about him and his wife is a perfect example. He illustrates how the relationship between him and his wife is equal. I think this is incredibly important because at the beginning he explains that feminism does not mean women are better than men. Just as women are no better than men, men are no better than women. This is a much harder concept to get across though. Crews also states, “it’s not battling people, it’s battling mindsets”, and honestly that’s all that it comes down to. If people were to realize they’re no more valuable than others, this idea of gender roles would disappear.

Fetishism

The Male Myth by Paul Theroux and Terry Crew's "Manhood" interview both have the same theories in one. Feminism is a big problem today in society. As a young man in todays society I think every guy goes through this as we grow up. Our fathers were brought up a certain way, his father before him and so forth. Saying that now its different than it was before, we are raised to be better men than our fathers, or at least some of us. Men nowadays simply think they are better than women because they are men. The problem is that we blame femininity on our problems. So I strongly believe in both Theroux and Crews opinions of manhood. Crews believes there is a "fork in a mans road". That many are confused to be the tough guy or to be the soft guy. But he simply thinks we should be who we are and take the mask off. Theroux begins to say that he dislikes being a man, "like having to wear an ill-fitting coat for one's entire life."  The expression "be a man!" strikes every guy in a hurtful or insulting way. That in manhood its not okay to cry, or to be scared. We are men, we are built to last, to endure what ever is in our way. I agree with them on that some of us aren't. Some of us guys aren't made to build skyscrapers or to fix that truck engine. It just isn't in the cards for some. Crews and Theroux are responding to the fact that men think its okay to take what they want because they like to "WIN", and its not. because with that mentality comes dark thoughts like sexual harassment, rape, or even murder. Crews continues to say that "were battling a mindset, not men." Crews fights for gender-equality and Theroux just says that to society you're not a man till you prove others you are first.

Its all about the kids...

Author Caitlin Moran in her book, How to Be a Woman presents motherhood in an extremely negative light. In her hypocritical opinion women are throwing away their most youthful, exciting, and lively days to sit at home with a baby on her hip in the nursery. She seems to state that women simply cannot have it all and be happy with children; essentially it is a choice of throwing away youth and beauty, or doing what you want to do.  She states that women simply want to have kids because it is what has been programed into us as well as that when women don’t want children they are looked at in a way to make them feel as if they just said they would murder a puppy. Many women I feel don’t have her same mentality, even those with careers. She focuses on the negative aspects of child bearing, having to put the career on hold and losing sleep at night, though there is a distinct other side of the story which should be told as well. These are things that maybe she didn’t realize during her child rearing years that truly make being a mother worth it, and to this side of the opinion, she isn’t being fair.  The pride and joy of being a mother is assisting another human in becoming the best they can be in the parents’ own image, and experiencing the world with them.

An Understandable Opinion, but Only That

Caitlin Moran's chapter on "Why You Shouldn't Have Children" makes a strong claim with a good backing but at times overreaches and becomes hypocritical in a sense. Moran speaks from experience in this piece, being a successful working woman and eventually a mother, and crafts a rather vivid picture of how she interpret's society's expectations for women to have children. Most of the support in this piece is anecdotal yet agreeable- Even as a teenage male I can recognize many of the social trends she points out. While that may not serve as hard proof, it can be considered a backbone to her argument as a whole. In essence, the purpose of this chapter is to point out the extreme stigma around women who choose not to have children and why it may be a better choice for many women to abstain from childbearing. Moran explains that many women are pressured to sacrifice their working and creative lives when they should be at their peak in most aspects of life- their health, looks, productivity and energy, etc. In expanding upon this stigma, Moran discusses the fact that many people believe giving birth and raising a child is some sort of rite of passage, a womanly experience that fulfills and completes a person. Quick to denounce this, she claims the same sort of fulfillment can be found through many other means in life and that having a child is not the only way to fill a void in one's sense of self. Where I think Moran slips is in her demeanor towards the act of child rearing. To her credit, she does believe that anyone who wants to have a child is justified and that having a child may in fact be fulfilling and rewarding for many. However, she clearly holds some semblance of a grudge towards either the decisions that led her to have children or her children themselves. She paints what I see as a biased picture of raising a child, one of regret and bitterness and pandas getting shot in the face. Her attitude on this matter quickly becomes condescending (How could anyone want to give up so much for this?) and a little too self-righteous. While I may disagree, I don't actually think this detracts too much from her piece, in fact, I think it may be a fitting view for the rest of her argument. Since this whole chapter is really just based on casual observations of societal trends, I can't nitpick too much for a little bit of cynicism on her end. Still, this section lacks any sort of hard evidence or statistics (which is potentially okay!) and should be treated as a simple opinion piece.

Motherhood Doesn't Make a Woman

In this excerpt from How To Be a Woman, Moran argues that women should only have babies if they want to and that women can gain wisdom through other life experiences besides being a mother.To prove this she shares personal experiences, discusses the environment effect of reproducing and evaluates the lives and success of others. Her first experience is when her Editor requests more information about when her interviewees will have children. Because the question is always “when” and not “if”, it proves that society expects all women to have children. This leads to a bigger question - when will you willingly end your career. Her next experience is when she describes raising her new born. From her personal experience with motherhood, she felt removed from the world around her and that her morals and other important things were pushed to the side to make room for baby. She felt that she was unable to contribute to society the way she did before, and goes further to suggest that society would suffer if doctors and scientists could not contribute due to motherhood. Reproducing also has a negative effect on the environment which Moran uses as evidence to further prove that not everyone should be pressured to have a child. The expectation is for all women to have babies but rarely does society take into consideration all of the resources that each child will use up. Moran illuminates the double standard between men and women when it comes to having children. She  reveals how she was never asked to question her male interviewees about when they would have kids. She also discusses how men such as Van Gogh and Batman have been able to be very successful without children. She also uses Coco Chanel as an example. She was a very successful woman who achieved many things without motherhood defining her. I feel as if Moran adequately supports her claims through the evidence that she provides throughout the text.